I woke up in Bali.

Should I say that again?

I woke up in Bali.

My first thought this morning was absolute thankfulness for the gifts I've been awarded to have this opportunity.  The truth is, I went to bed last night restless, nervous, anxious (clearly, thankless) about what lies ahead for me. I've experienced a lot of losses in the last year, and I had a moment of panic that I just couldn't possibly endure another loss. I tossed and turned thinking of all the possibilities of where my life could turn. All negative. And all I could think of was I don't have the energy for this. I'm tired. I'm worn. I'm beaten. I'm sad.

This tends to be my every night. At least lately.

Then it started raining. Pouring really. And there's just something so comforting about the rain. The sound drowns out my thoughts. The smell reminds me of home. And all I want to do is crawl into bed, nestle under the covers, and let the sensations completely overtake me. So the rain put me to bed last night, and it was the greatest gift I could ask for.

I woke up this morning and remembered where I was. Where I was waking up. What I had ahead of me. I have 30 days in Bali. With an incredible group of people. Strangers still, yes, but incredible nonetheless...coming from all walks of life, a little lost as well, ready to give, ready to take, and I didn't feel so alone anymore.

Today was my first official day with Unsettled and my co-retreat members. We had a beautiful morning, breakfast by the pool, making small talk about our lives, our experiences, our travel until we were shuffled away to our co-working space at Outpost. To say the space is impressive is an understatement. Never have I seen a place so beautiful, so lush, so calming. I felt at peace immediately and very much so looking forward to being productive this month and immersing myself in something (more on that later).

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In a short morning, I've already made plans to take a motorbike course tomorrow (apparently the best way to get around the island), signed up for yoga & meditation for the month, take diving lessons, attend local events, and despite my tendency to anxiety and constant swirls of the mind, the greater part of me is aware that I am so incredibly lucky to have this experience.

So today, my mantra is Alhamdulillah. 

 

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